I Can't Do What With My Hair?

Diana Ross 1969

Since high school, I was let free to roam in the knots of my own hair

To create whatever I could with the little knowledge of my hair I had. As an African American woman, I noticed in our culture it is MANDATORY to keep our hair looking laid or presentable no matter what age. We do this for all kinds of reasons - protection, assimilation (also for our protection), pride, and always creativity. So no doubt, our mothers had us in the beauty salon getting our hair whipped up in braids, presses, and twisties before most of us could count to 10. Or you got the infamous creamy crack if your hair was too thick or unmanageable for your stylist or parent. There begins to form our first contact with our hair and what that should look like for a black girl. Not soon after, we all get to the age of 13-14 and our mothers have given up. Salon costs for two, even when one is half your size, still can cost more than your groceries. As well as parental figures in general not having the knowledge of how to work with their child's hair no matter the state of it due to no one teaching them. So, in return, most black girls go through their special stage of awkwardness called, "we got hair at home."

If you're still confused by the term creamy crack

Say thank you to your mother. In all seriousness, it's a term used within the black community referring to relaxers. Relaxers are not limited to, but pretty popular in our community and is a tool used to create straighter or smoother looks with the hair. They're not inherently bad in nature these days, in fact, it's an amazing medium for hair artists to create infamous pixie cuts and finger waves that are more manageable in the curl's "relaxed" state. So why do I thank God if you don't know what they are? Well, relaxers were introduced to us at very young ages, anywhere between 8 to 10 years old. Before we ever got the chance to connect with our hair at its purest form, it was permanently and chemically altered for manageability and presentableness. Mainly, to benefit everyone else but us while unknowingly putting us at the risk of certain cancers from the chemicals. I do not fault our parents or even the stylists at the time, they did what they knew was best for everyone. Better yet, they knew what was best from which they were taught. Black women have lineages of teachings of manageability and presentableness when it comes to their hair due to racism, time or resource constraints. But what does this teach young girls who are just getting to know their hair, and even deeper, themselves?

The belief passed down that our hair needs to be managed and presentable

At all times causes a broken relationship with our hair from the earliest of ages. Many conversations still continue on what is right or wrong with how black women choose to wear their hair today. Typically toggling between the styles of natural or straight. However, either way would not matter if the relationship you have with said straight or natural hair is one that barely exists. Our culture has thrived many years cultivating the most original hairstyles that trend every time. From braided beehives, natural fros, finger waves, and more our hair has proven its unique flexibility and beauty no matter what form it takes. This is what we should teach and show our young girls. That our hair is a canvas to paint anything we're capable of envisioning, not an obstacle to tame, manage, and please everyone else. The battle between straight and natural hair within our community is a battle we will always lose if we do not realize that anyone forcing us in a box of any kind is a slight to the freedom and flexibility our hair provides.

In the late 1700s, Creole women in Louisiana

Were forced by law to cover up their hair with tignons to refract excess attention from their dress. Towards the early 1800s, many women still chose to wear their scarves in protest, they had found power in expressing their culture and creativity through the same tool that was meant to silence them. Not too long after, the law was lifted, yet most still chose to wear their tignons. Let this reflect a lesson we all need to learn, the only right way to wear our hair is the way we decide we want to. No amount of limitations, restrictions, or fears have stopped the black woman from finding ways to express her individuality. Our hair does not have to be manageable or presentable to exist in this world. Nor does it have to fit into a box labeled "black." So, wear your hair the way that makes you feel good inside and out, as long as you do the internal work to make it your choice.