Intention Vs Impact

Last night I went to my second session of yoga 🧘🏽‍♀️

And I loved it just as much as I did the first time. Yet, this experience was a bit different. On my way into the building, I saw someone come in behind me and naturally I give a friendly a hey and smile. Which was met with silence, a swift brushing past, followed by a glimpse of a familiar woman quickly moving past me to get down the stairs. I thought to myself, “how weird?” But I also realized that I may know this person, specifically from her hair. Once I got downstairs into the class, there was one more spot for me to lay my mat out, and of course it’s by the same familiar woman that brushed past me just a few minutes ago. Immediately, I recognized her and started to understand why silence was her answer to my hi. 

Some time in the beginning of my business

I had the pleasure of having this beautiful, light spirited woman in my chair to cut her curly locks. The inspiration she gave me being a full, trapezoid- ish cut, which I thought that day I delivered on. Through our appointment we got to know each other and shared a few laughs here and there, but that same silence she shared with me by the stairs, she also gave me once she saw her results. Not much was said, from what I remember, but I do recall feeling the energy shift. Especially when she commented on her length not feeling as long as when she came in. She still was kind and allowed me to take her after pictures, but that’s when I noticed the most that the results I gave her was not what she anticipated. She never left a bad review, never told me outright that she hated her hair, but I understood that she was not happy, despite how accurate of a cut I felt I gave her. Then, fast forwarding to yesterday, that same understanding was reiterated. 

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As the session went on and we took a deep dive into the flow of our bodies

My mind and ego began to go to war with each other. I thought, “Does she really hate me, I wonder why she didn’t tell me she disliked it that much?” “I don’t remember taking a lot of length off, but maybe that’s why she didn’t like it.” “Maybe she just wasn’t used to seeing her curls shrink that much.” “Maybe I’m just a terrible hairstylist, and I deserve her silence.” Back and forth my mind went, trying to justify her feelings and mine. I know I’m a human capable of making many mistakes, and I have admitted to many as well. Yet, her hair appointment didn’t feel like one of them. Still her reactions towards me I couldn’t play down or shrug off. If I had not met her expectations, I was 100% open to hearing her out and seeing what I could do to repair the damage, once I knew what it truly was. Halfway through the session, I allowed my brain to let all the excuses rise to the surface and each emotion have it’s moment. My conclusion is that she had and has every right to not like the haircut I gave her. Even if I felt I did exactly what she asked for, it is not my place to control her feelings about the results. 

Image by Allison Snowden

I believe my ego couldn’t allow me to believe she didn’t like her hair so much

That she would ignore me, because I’m not used to being disliked. As a recovering people pleaser, I always take any chance to overly please the people in my life, clients included. I hate the feeling of letting people down, even when it’s out of my control. So, when I recognized at yoga how much she disliked the service I gave her- without offering me the option to help rectify it later on- I felt that I had failed her and myself entirely. In my industry, working on someone’s crown, there is little room for error, regardless of the fact that mistakes are more than common. When I worked in my old salon and made a mistake or didn’t deliver to someone’s standards, the reviews or shame of it all used to eat me alive. Some of my coworkers would try to soothe this ache by complaining about the client’s pickiness, and too high of standards. Whether that was true or not, I knew that was not the proper response to a client or for myself. 

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Of course I knew I wasn’t a robot

I’m not always going to deliver perfection. Yet, the standards I projected onto myself was accentuated when someone wasn’t pleased. However, I’ve learned that two things can be true at the same time. I can feel I did my best, while also giving my clients the space to not like what I’ve given them. It’s not about being right or making a point. As much as it hurts to know there is someone(s) out there that does not like the services I’ve given them, this doesn’t make me a failure. It also does not make my clients wrong for their perception of their experience with me. As we neared the end of our flow with our guide, I discovered what my people pleasing tendencies are rooted in. Me feeling defeated because she didn’t say hi, or tell me she didn’t like her cut so I can rectify it, is not just about me people pleasing. What's more is my need to control. When I can’t change how someone feels about me, my services, or anything else, I feel a loss over many things: the narrative about me, how people may perceive my work, not feeling good enough. The list could go on forever, if I allowed.

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I left yoga still feeling a little heavy about letting someone down

While simultaneously understanding she is justified in feeling that way for as long as needs to. Right along with allowing me the space to free myself from unrealistic expectations of perfection that I placed upon myself too. In my journey, I will succeed as many times as I fail and neither will fully define me. What will define me is the way I handle situations when they don’t go my way, and when I am in the wrong. Doing my best to amend situations, when the opportunity is given. Then, continuing to let my flaws- intentional or unintentional- guide me into showing up better than the woman I was the day before. These actions will be the reflection of my true character, not the failure of showing up perfect- which doesn’t exist for anyone. I came for my second session of yoga to relax my mind and body, and departed understanding the balances of my own human nature. Thus, with that being said, Namaste.

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